According to my closest friends and some family, this is what I have to look forward to. The funny thing is that I really do not feel any older than I did twenty years ago, sans the youthful recklessness and 30 inch waist. I was provided with a list of things I cannot do anymore:
1. Stand behind the cameraman and wave frenziedly.
2. Use Slang (Yo).
3. Wear animal print clothing.
4. Own a "saucer on a pole" halogen lamp.
5. Draw smiley faces over the letter "i". (never did this, ever)
6. Ask for an autograph. (Not even Farah Fawcett?)
7. Photocopy any body parts.
8. Be arrested while shirtless on C.O.P.S.
9. Hold the high score on the Pac Man machine at the 7-11 on the corner. (bummer)
10. Drive down the road with windows down listening to Led Zeppelin as loud as my ears can take it.
In response, I have created this list of things I can do:
1. Have selective hearing loss when uninterested in a conversation.
2. Fall asleep on the couch on Sundays while watching WWII documentaries.
3. Look at young people and say "We NEVER looked like THAT at their age..."
4. Find real joy in total silence and a paperback.
5. Realize that my children will learn more from their own mistakes rather than my advice.
6. Take comfort in knowing that I know a hell of a lot less than I thought I did at 20.
7. Never too late to learn anything - case in point: I will learn to play the banjo this year.
8. It's OK to be wrong, it's even more admirable to admit it.
9. I have met several people, been many places and have seen plenty of things that remind me, as cliche as it sounds, everything, absolutely everything we have are gifts - time, people, health and wealth - none of these can be taken for granted.
10. Finally order that black speedo with my initials embroidered on the front in bright red. After all if I can't embarrass my kids at the beach what good am I?
I expect at 80 I will look at this list and laugh.
